Dreams Vs. Reality
by EEQ
Summary: Something strange is happening to Gawl and he can not figure out what it is. This is my little twist to the ending of the series. (Contians spoilers for the ending)


*A/N* My own little twist on the ending of Generator Gawl. I loved the show. It was so weird and good!! And I just felt the need to write this...I hope it's not to stupid. Please read and review!

Gawl was a little weirded out by the fact that he and Masami had just spent the last five minutes *not* yelling at each other. It was nice, but a little scary.

Masami was actually laughing at something he had just said, when she stopped suddenly and looked at him. Really looked at him. "Gawl," she began, but they were interrupted by the sounds of a heated argument. It was Koji and Ryo...again.

"What are you two fighting about now?" Masami demanded. Her voice took on that annoyed tone that Gawl was so used to; the tone that she had been using less and less lately. The tone that he actually missed sometimes.

Neither Koji nor Ryo answered her question. Ryo hurried off somewhere, and Koji stood with arms folded over his chest, glaring at something seemingly offensive on the ground before him.

"Something weird is happening here," Gawl said with a shake of his head. "Nothing is like it was."

"You made a new world, Gawl. Things were bound to be different."

"Different, yes, but we're still the same...At least, I thought we were. That was what I wanted." He sighed and leaned back against the wall. Only he misjudged the distance and landed on his backside in the dirt. Masami laughed at him openly, and he managed a grin. "That hurt, you know."

"I bet it did!" She extended her hand to help him up, and he took it gratefully. Suddenly a terrible dark feeling clutched at his stomach and he doubled over.

"Gawl, what's wrong?" Masami's voice sounded frantic, but it was far away. There was pain in Gawl's chest, right where his heart lay. Pain where his heart had once been ripped from his very chest.

That never happened, not on this world, he thought in panic. Why do I still hurt like this?

"Gawl! Answer me!" The concern in Masami's eyes brought Gawl back to himself. He shook his head in confusion. "I'm okay, Masami."

"Gawl, what's wrong with you?" she asked.

The question sounded familiar. A memory tugged at his mind.

__

"Gawl, what's wrong with you?" Masami asked. Only then they were in a sewer and Koji and Ryo were on their way to stop the Professor from finishing the research that would end the world...

"I'm fine," Gawl insisted, and he stood up. "Maybe I should stop falling over like that." He smiled brightly and Masami seemed comforted. He took her arm and led her back to the school, so that they wouldn't be late for class. Normal life continued, but Gawl didn't feel like a normal teenager in the least.

*****

"I'm telling you, something happened to me," Gawl protested to Koji and Ryo, both of whom had doubtful expressions on their faces.

"Gawl...It's just bad memories," Ryo said. 

"I know that it's bad memories, but something was really *wrong*." Gawl let out an exasperated sigh and lay back on the floor. He glared at the ceiling with malice. 

"Maybe you're having trouble adjusting to life as a normal boy," Ryo offered. "After being a generator and having to save the world...Maybe you're just having trouble accepting that you're just an every day kind of guy."

Gawl considered it for a moment. It made sense. He did miss the sense of purpose that came with being who he used to be; the sense that he was needed and that he could save the world. But he did not miss the danger and the fear, and all of the pain. No, there was something else going on inside his head and he needed to find out what it was.

"I guess so, Ryo," Gawl said finally. Let them think that nothing was wrong; they needed that. They needed to live without the stress. 

Without the stress? They way they have been fighting lately, it's a wonder they haven't killed each other yet!

"What's up with you two, anyway?" Gawl asked suspiciously. "Do you suddenly hate each other?"

"What do you mean?" Koji demanded. "There's nothing going on."

"You fight an awful lot..."

"We just disagree on some things. There's nothing going on," Koji said firmly. "I think it's probably time for dinner now." He stood and went down to eat.

Gawl gave Ryo a "look". Ryo shrugged. "We just fight, over stupid little things. Maybe we're having trouble being normal, too."

Gawl shrugged. "And maybe the world I created isn't so great."

"Don't say that. At least we're all together, and the world isn't in danger," Ryo said, and he followed Koji down the stairs.

Yes, at least we have that. Gawl ignored another shooting pain in his chest. It was just his bad memories come to haunt him.

*****

"Ha! I win again!" Masami announced and threw her hand of cards down in front of the three losers.

"That's because you cheat," Gawl decided, and he threw his cards down in disgust.

"I never cheat! I just have natural good luck!"

"So why is there a card poking out of your sleeve?"

"Where? Where?" Masami demanded and looked frantically. Gawl just laughed. This was how he remembered things being between them. He missed the teasing and even the arguing. He didn't know how to deal with the kindness and the sentiments.

"You're evil," Masami growled.

"I know. I--" Gawl suddenly felt dizzy and his vision blurred. He was no longer seated in a circle with his three friends playing cards, he was sitting on the edge of a cliff glaring out at the smoke and dust where Natsume had once been, when she killed herself...

"Gawl!"

Gawl opened his eyes. He hadn't realized he was sleeping. He looked up into three worried sets of eyes.

"I'm sorry, did I drift off?" he asked. He didn't think it had all been a dream; it was too real. But why had he been there, on that cliff? Why did he keep slipping into his memories like this? Was he going crazy?

"Gawl, one minute you were speaking and the next you were passed out on the table! What's going on with you?" Masami demanded.

"I don't know," Gawl admitted. "Maybe I'm sick."

Masami felt his forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"Then maybe I snapped," Gawl said irritably. She recoiled at the dark tone in his voice and she looked hurt. "I'm sorry," he said with a sigh. "I just don't feel well. I think I need some sleep." He rose, and went to bed, leaving three very worried people behind him.

"Maybe there really is something wrong," Ryo fretted.

"He's just having trouble dealing with the past," Koji said. "He'll be fine, with time."

"I don't know, Koji, maybe..."

"Ryo, just drop it!" Koji said sharply. Ryo bit back an angry retort and stalked off. He had been doing a lot of that lately. He didn't know why, but everything Koji said made him angry.

Masami gave Koji a weary look. "You shouldn't yell at Ryo so much. It hurts his feelings."

"What?"

"You hurt his feelings," Masami repeated impatiently. "What part of that don't you understand?"

"Why would the truth hurt his feelings?"

"It's not the words, it's how you say them," Masami stated.  
Koji shook his head. "Ryo is just too emotional."

And you're not emotional enough, Masami thought, but she said nothing. "I think we all need a vacation or something. We should all do something fun together."

"Like what?"

"I don't know...go to the amusement park?"

"Like children?"

"Sure, why not. It would be fun!" Masami insisted. Now that she had an idea, she wasn't going to let up. She began to form plans in her mind. She didn't notice Koji shake his head, and leave.

****

And so Gawl, Koji and Ryo found themselves standing behind Masami at the gates of an amusement park.

"Now we're all going to have fun, do you hear me?" she said, waving her wallet around barbarically.

Gawl had flashes of the festival, when Masami entered the cooking contest. He remembered...and then he was not only remembering, he was there. He was playing the fish game with the generator.

"What the Hell is going on?" he demanded of one of the fish. It flopped about, but didn't answer. He cursed it, and returned to the amusement park where Masami was still lecturing them on how much fun they were going to have.

Something isn't right, Gawl decided, as the pain returned to his chest. He dropped to his knees.

"Gawl...You're doing it again aren't you?" Masami said, frustrated. "Do you want attention or what?"

"No..." Gawl clutched his chest. "Something is wrong..." His vision blurred and he was lying on a bench after a fight with a generator. Natsume was speaking softly to him, and Masami came rushing towards them, cheerfully chattering and demanding an apology from Gawl for running off on her.

"What could possibly be wrong?" Masami demanded, and Gawl was back on his knees. "You created a different world!"

"The rift in time was cured. Everything's all right," Ryo said, but his voice was trembling. "Isn't it?"

"It bloody well better be!" Masami exclaimed, and she began to chew on her wallet. Her stomach was knotted with worry, worry for Gawl and worry that something really wasn't right.

Gawl couldn't hear them again because he was back to the night his heart had been ripped out. The Ryuko generator held him by the throat and laughed in his face. "You have such a big heart..." she said.

"No," Gawl whispered, and he felt his heart ripped from his chest once more.

How many more times must I live through this?

"Gawl!"

Gawl realized that he was screaming and crying, and his arms were flailing about like a madman's. He was hitting the three friends who were trying to help him.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I don't know what's happening to me."

They helped him to stand and abandoned the amusement park. Masami didn't want to have fun anymore, she was too worried.

*****

Gawl stared at the wall. He tried to figure out what could possibly be going on inside his head, but he had no ideas so far.

I'm just nuts, I guess.

"Gawl, I brought you something to eat," Masami said, and she set something down in front of him. He smiled a little. 

"Thanks, Masami."

"It was no problem. Are you feeling any better?"

"Maybe a little." Masami was no longer in front of him; it was Ryo, explaining what had happened and why they had to go into the past to change it.... "Then again, I don't think I'm feeling very good at all," Gawl said, when he returned to the present. "I keep sliding in and out of memories, only it feels so real."

"Maybe you need a psychiatrist."

Gawl shrugged. "Maybe I should be locked up."

"Don't even joke about that," Masami scolded. She reached out and took his hand. "You're not going anywhere, all right? I've never told you this before, but you mean a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me, too, Masami," Gawl said. He touched her cheek. And the pain was back, ten times worse than before. He made a noise somewhere between a scream and a sob, and fell forward. 

"Gawl...I wish we could help you," Masami said. She sounded strangely close to tears.

"So do I, believe me," Gawl mumbled.

*****

"You have such a big heart," Ryuko said.

"Damn you. If this is just a dream, why can't I stop you!" Gawl screeched, and Ryuko ripped out his heart once more.

He awoke in a cold sweat and clutched his chest. His heart was pounding.

At least it's still inside of me. He wiped his forehead with his hand, and regarded it in terror. His hand was covered in blood.

"What the Hell is going on?" he yelled. He looked about him and saw that he was no longer in his room. Koji and Ryo were nowhere to be seen. He was standing in a grassy field and there were dandelions all around him. He was also covered in blood, but he had no injuries that he could find.

"There's a hole," a voice said.

"What?" he demanded. He tried desperately to find a wound anywhere on his body but there was none. He was perfectly fine. He looked up and saw that there was blood dripping from the sky.

"A hole in your world. Your world is falling apart," the voice said. It was familiar, but Gawl couldn't place it. Until before him he saw...himself.

He just stared. How could this be happening?

"Is this a dream?" he asked the other Gawl, who seemed so calm and detached.

"Maybe. Maybe everything is just the dream of someone else, and nothing really exists."

"Well I know you're not me, because I would never say something that involved so much thought," Gawl muttered. The other Gawl shook his head with a tiny sigh.

"You're not listening."

"Because you aren't making any sense!"

"Gawl...Is the world you made real, or is your dying body dreaming? Was anything that happened to you real, or is it just someone else's dying body dreaming? Do you know?"

"I haven't got a freaking clue," Gawl said calmly. "Are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?"

The other Gawl smiled, but it was an ugly sort of smile. "You are impatient as always, Gawl."

"Who the Hell are you?"

The figure shrugged. "An illusion. A dream. Maybe I'm who you really are, and this is my dream. What do you think?"

"I think that I'm going crazy."

"Maybe you're already crazy and you're making all of this up."

Gawl tore at his hair as his head spun. This was all too much for him to handle. "Are you saying that everything I've ever known has been a dream?"

"Maybe."

"How could it? How could all the pain I felt be a dream?" he demanded.

The figure shrugged once more and Gawl resisted the urge to strangle him.

"That's enough!" Gawl growled, and he flopped down into the grass.

"What are you doing, Gawl?" the figure taunted. "Are you giving up?"

"No, damn you. I'm going to figure this out."

The figure laughed, and disappeared. "Good luck!" His voice echoed throughout the grass field, and then all was mercifully silent.

If it was all a dream, then that means I didn't really create another world...It means I didn't even exist. But how could that be? Could I be stuck in the loop of time and going back and forth between events? 

It all boggled his mind totally.

"I've had it with this," Gawl decided. He stood once more and yelled as loud as he possibly could,

"I don't care what's real and what's not, but I'm going to bloody well live my life as I want to live it!"

"You have such a big heart," Ryuko said, and she ripped it out. Gawl stuck his tongue out at her and watched as the lightning shot forth and from his empty chest a rift in time was created.

He drifted for a while, and this time there was no Natsume to speak with him. He heard Masami's voice and opened his eyes.

"Forget everything!" Koji yelled. "It's all been a dream!"

"Just a dream?" Gawl laughed. "I've heard that one before."

"You can be wherever you want!" Ryo said. "Decide where you want to be."

Gawl grinned. "I will, Ryo." And he found the thing within him that allowed him to create a different world. Only this time he was a little more creative...

*****

Gawl blinked. He was in a nice house, and he was holding the keys to a car.

My car. My car I bought after I became a lawyer...

"Gawl, honey, we need some groceries!" Masami yelled from the kitchen. "We're out of everything...again!"

Gawl sighed. "Groceries, I hate grocery shopping! Why can't you do it?"

"I have an appointment with the doctor!" Masami said, as she came back into the living room. "I think we're going to have a Gawl Jr."

Gawl ran and hugged his wife. 

My wife. I married Masami two years ago after we finally finished school.

"That's wonderful news! I'll go get the groceries and I'll tell the guys."

The guys. His best friends all through school, Koji and Ryo. The two were roommates and the best of friends. Gawl suspected that there was even more going on between them than they admitted, but he never said anything. They had all been a group through school, and had done everything together. They still did.

I remember when we first met, Gawl thought fondly. Ryo and I were already friends from birth, and we met that boy with the green hair who seemed so calm and detached, and we made him learn to have fun. Then we met Masami and we fought, oh how we fought...and Natsume was already Masami's friend.

Natsume was standing outside when Gawl went out to the car. "Hi!" he said cheerfully. "Masami is making me grocery shop," he pouted.

Natsume laughed. "Poor Gawl."

Gawl suddenly felt that he should be surprised to see Natsume for some reason, but he had no idea why. Something tugged at his memory, but he couldn't think of what. He shrugged it off and got into his car. Pretty soon he was going to have a child! It was exciting news indeed. He started the car and drove to the grocery store. A normal task for a completely normal human.

******


End file.
